Regrets
by loopy-1981
Summary: What happens after too affraid * sequal to too affraid *


Title: Regrets  
Author: Loopy_1981.   
Feedback: If I beg and plead would I get some loopy_1981@yahoo.com   
Page: http://www.geocities.com/loopy_1981  
Archive: just tell me where it's going =)  
Rating: pg-13  
Pairing: Xander/Angel  
Series: Yes. There will be stories to follow  
Sequel: THIS IS A Sequel TO A STORY I WROTE CALLED TOO AFRAID.   
Disclaimer: Sadly enough they don't belong to me. If they did why would I need fanfiction.   
Summary: what happens after too afraid  
Spoilers: NONE  
Notes: as noted above this is a sequel to too afraid, there will be I say will be more stories to follow when I don't know but there will be others. If any one has an idea for a series name for these stories please tell me  
  
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*Angel's pov*  
  
I listen carefully to the sound of him running out of our life, I wait for the front door to slam shut before I let my emotions get hold of me. 

Oh god he's gone, oh god no! What the fuck have I done? Oh no please no. This has to be a nightmare, this can't be real, WAKE UP! OH god Xander come back. Clenching my eyes closed I block out the memories of our life all around me. Feeling tears roll down my face I raise my hands to touch a wet trail left by my tears, opening my eyes I look at my fingers closely examining the evidence causing my tears to flow faster. Reality crashes this is real. 

I didn't mean to run him out of my life! I just wanted to know why he can't tell me how he feels. 

I get the feeling that Maybe he doesn't trust me, or maybe I don't know. I need him and now he is somewhere hurting from my words, where I don't know. 

Oh please let him be safe please who ever is listening keep him safe I beg you! 

Oh god why did I do it I have to go to him, I have to make sure he is alive, I have to I can't stupid sun! Why do I feel like I'm being punished all of a sudden. After all my time I have never wished I could go out into the sunshine as much as I do now 

Please Xander I didn't mean it I didn't mean to chase you away, please forgive me PLEASE!  
  
I have to call Willow, she has to go find him. 

I jump out of bed and practically run to the phone 

Grabbing the phone I dial Willow's number. 

Ringring. 

"Hello, Willow speaking." 

"W...ill...ow." 

"Angel? Is that you?" 

"Oh, god." My body falls to the ground in anguish. "He's goneI pushed him out of my life Willow, he left." 

"Angel what happened where's Xander?" 

My ears instantly pick up his name and my mind fills with memories of him, including the ones just passed. 

"Xander? I don't know where he is, you have to find him, you have to find him and tell him I'm sorry, so sorry and I love him, tell him I love him. Willow I want him in my life always and I don't know what to do now he's not here." 

"Angel did you and Xander have a fight?" 

Tears begin to roll down faster at the memory of the fight. 

"I caused it Willow, I'm to blame, I don't know why I did it, but I did. Willow please find him and make sure he is safe." 

"Okay I'll go look, but I plan to hear the rest of whatever happened." 

"Thank you." 

Somehow feeling better, the knowledge that Willow is going to go search for him, that Willow will keep him safe, even from himself. 

I hang up the phone and curl into a ball wishing for the 100th time that I'd wake up and Xander would be in my arms soundly asleep. 

Cursing my self for my stupidity I rock back and forth as tears stream down my face. Never before have I felt such pain, never before have I loved anyone as much as I love him, and I just had to go and push him out of my life. Why am I so stupid! I should have been happy with what we had, but no I had to continue and be an idiot why why why. 

Let him be safe, please, I don't know what would happen if he wasn't. 

Please let him forgive me, I don't want to live a life without him, I may be eternal, but he is everything. 

What have I done! Why! Why! 

Clenching my fists shut tight, I feel my nails dig into the palms of my hands, feeling the holes they make in my skin, focusing on something other then the mess I made, focusing on a different sort of pain, replacing one pain with another. 

Please Xander, please forgive me 

I beg in my mind, I beg to no one, to my self, to any one that listens, please bring him back, please let him forgive me, I'm a jerk I know that, but I love him so much, I need him.  
  
~fins~

~Be kinda nd review~


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